Gosh. I cant believe or should I say, i dont want to believe it that it's just 4 days from now and it's Christmas again. Time passes so swiftly that I sometimes dream of living in other planet where 1 day is more than 24 hours. 8-> :)) Another year would soon occur and I feel so helpless of making the ticking of the clock stop even for just a while.

However, though we like it or not, time will pass no matter what. All the moments we share with our love ones would be just a memory and we cant help it. But instead of wasting our times worrying of ways to stop the rotation of the world, we can just spend our times together with them making better and sweet memorabilia's to keep. And of course be grateful to our lord Jesus Christ for giving us another year to be with them.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone! :*

--
bwahha. mejo nalalabuan ako sa post kong to. pero aus lang yan.. atleast meron. bwahhaha. (may ganun?) :))

my inspiration reign over my frustrations. :>

At first day of our 3rd Quarterly exam, I already got my hopes down of being one of the top 10 again. :( Just after taking the test, we checked our test papers and our teacher allowed us to review the results afterwards. I held mine with both hands as my eyes desperately search for corrections with tears threatening to fall. My heart was completely filled with regrets. Regretting why did I just let myself to took that subject for granted. Wherein fact I knew beforehand that my SQ's and LQ's weren't enough to catch me if I fall.

My parents doesn't expect any high grades from me since then. Ever. Meaning, I knew for sure that I wouldn't be scolded once I got home. When they saw the dreadful result of my failure, they just fed me of motivating and inspirational words saying that they're not looking forward for high grades from me, that I'll still pass in spite of what I've got, that there'll be always next time and all those stuffs which made me wanna cry out of joy. For once more, I realized that no matter what will I get, no matter what person I was, I am, and will be in the future, I will and always have them right by my side. You guys just dont know how much I feel blessed having them around. ♥

But somehow, I still feel so down and frustrated. My dream of seeing my parents walking with me up to the stage were no longer possible. I might have a better remarks next quarter but Im quite sure that I'll get line of 7 in my card in any subject this time and that's it; I couldn't make it anymore to the final. :( If only I exerted effort in studying.. I could have higher or atleast a passing score. No no no. Scratch that. I couldn't live my whole life regretting the past, could I? All I can just do right now is to learn to accept the awful truth, learn from my mistake and get up from my downfall. All wholeheartedly dedicated to my major source of inspiration, my parents. :D

liberated thoughts as of this moment.

cant concentrate of what Iam doing
my mind seem to be thousand miles away, flying
I struggle so hard to stop yawning
oh, another test to flunk I see myself mourning

Geez. Instead of studying for our exam tomorrow which is chemistry, I just found myself doing this piece of crap. Another piece of the endless boredom. Eventhough I try my best to fix my entire attention to the mentioned subject, I still end up reading or if not, writing down my thoughts. Im sorry but I just cant find studying at this moments interesting. Especially if what I have to study were chemical bonding, chem. equations, formula's and other things related to chemistry and computer. x,x All I just wanna do right now is to read. And read. And read! Until I get myself to the very last page of the books Im currently reading. And therefore I conclude, (lol!) that books were way too addicting than anything else among all of my addictions! <3 :))

feeling so.. weird!

I wanna cry. Cry until all the heavy things Im currently feeling will be all washed out. Those things I have done in the past abruptly refreshed in my memory and I can clearly see myself stupidly doing folishness. :( I feel so sad. Bad enough that even me and my bestfriend are chatting right now and being him, as a great remedy to my frown, i still feel so down. Those terms we used for teasing each other, those words that are seem to be the most common words to us such as "loser", "loner" and all of those stuffs seem to hit me bigtime. Instead of laughing, I can almost feel myself crying as I read those words as if all of those were told intentionaly and honestly. :((

As I jot down this crap, tears seem to be just an ant away. I hate what I am feeling. Just an hour ago I was as jolly as Jollibee and now.. I can almost win an award for being the most weirdo, loser && emo. I hate myself. For being such a big stupid and loser and everything! :(

gosssh. shame on me for writing crap such as like this. It is just that.. I have to release the agony or watch as my heart decimate in tears. :( xD

a MUST whole changing :-/

The fvck. Im just trying to be happy. To be cheerful. To enjoy my entire HS life for it is just this around mid 2nd quarter when i've got enough of oh-im-so-emo-and-out-of-my-self condition and realized that my time as a HS student would end sooner than when I know it will. And that I should give the most to make my remaining time as a student the best and memorable not just to me but also to my friends and to others. I tried to fake a smile, to be happy, to laugh whatever burden I am carrying. I tried too hard. Too much. Much enough that I've already crossed the line and surpassed it. Guilty as charge, I knew, and Im aware that Im already out of of my limitations. But despite of my awareness, I still went on and insisted to reach furthermore. My friends never failed to warn me. But it is just me, and my dearest stubbornness that's forcing me to go on. And so I did. Until now. I acted or rather acting, just like the stupidiest person in the world, laughed as hard as I can to cover up my recurring problems and other more foolishness that anyone would be surely shame of if ever happened that they did it. I just cant stop. Really. For unconsciously, even for just a matter of time of being a shameful crazy, I tend to forgot my problems. But the truth is, my problems we're not being solve. In fact it's getting higher and higher and harder to solve every time I let anyone to acknowledge my presence. My presence. My rubbish presence. For a matter of fact, i cant quite think of reasons for people to need me. Because Im nothing. Nothing but a fool who knows nothing but to blab and screw things up.

And that's why I required myself to change. Just like what my bestfriend said. A whole lot changing. And of course, for the better. I wont wait any longer for my love ones to keep their distance away from me in the thought of Im a bad influence or something nor to give my beloved parents a bad reputation. I really wont. I know that this changing must be done into action long time ago and I hope it is not too late to work things out. I believe that I'll still find happiness in a better way. Or should I say, I shall find a way to be happy in a less crazy way as soon as possible. I hope I will. But just for now.. All I can do is to let things pass for it is only time can heal.

Inevitable Reality

Inevitable Reality

it's been ages when i heard this song
yet it still make me dream and know where i truly belong
dreaming of you for all day long
worries vanished as i sing along

as my heart continually sway with the music
and get nearer to its ending i began to panic
i realized that everything was just a relic
knew that i'll soon wake from this dream im not manic

and im here again, facing reality
that you and i has no any possibility
you with her passed holding hands so sweetly
tears rolled down my cheeks much swiftly

crappy.rubbish.bullshit. hell yea! i know it is. :) i just felt like sharing and so i did. simultaneously, it also, well a lil bit reflected to my crush life. :)) but this one is much exagerated and just purely sum of boredom and of course, my dearest imagination. :))

Hearts Apart

he made her believe of forever
promised that they'll gonna make it together
two hearts would burn by love like a fever
but the promise broke to pieces however

as she relive the past back to life
her heart was cut by a knife
the one she consider as her knight
had vanished as the day turned to night

he lay down and fixed his gaze to the stars
and notice that his love was as far as mars
his heart was terribly broken that couldnt be nursed
endless agony untill it'll finally rust

the two kept staring at the same sky
waiting till destiny erase the gaps between them and fly
she keeps on telling cupid that he was not tie
and why he broke his promise made him wanna die

forever just now means of waiting
till atlast they'll find what they've searching
two hearts apart were deeply craving
of the time they'll merge as one and live never-ending

--> just another senseless poem I made to kill the boredom. my 4th nonsense poem to be precise. :))