a MUST whole changing :-/

The fvck. Im just trying to be happy. To be cheerful. To enjoy my entire HS life for it is just this around mid 2nd quarter when i've got enough of oh-im-so-emo-and-out-of-my-self condition and realized that my time as a HS student would end sooner than when I know it will. And that I should give the most to make my remaining time as a student the best and memorable not just to me but also to my friends and to others. I tried to fake a smile, to be happy, to laugh whatever burden I am carrying. I tried too hard. Too much. Much enough that I've already crossed the line and surpassed it. Guilty as charge, I knew, and Im aware that Im already out of of my limitations. But despite of my awareness, I still went on and insisted to reach furthermore. My friends never failed to warn me. But it is just me, and my dearest stubbornness that's forcing me to go on. And so I did. Until now. I acted or rather acting, just like the stupidiest person in the world, laughed as hard as I can to cover up my recurring problems and other more foolishness that anyone would be surely shame of if ever happened that they did it. I just cant stop. Really. For unconsciously, even for just a matter of time of being a shameful crazy, I tend to forgot my problems. But the truth is, my problems we're not being solve. In fact it's getting higher and higher and harder to solve every time I let anyone to acknowledge my presence. My presence. My rubbish presence. For a matter of fact, i cant quite think of reasons for people to need me. Because Im nothing. Nothing but a fool who knows nothing but to blab and screw things up.

And that's why I required myself to change. Just like what my bestfriend said. A whole lot changing. And of course, for the better. I wont wait any longer for my love ones to keep their distance away from me in the thought of Im a bad influence or something nor to give my beloved parents a bad reputation. I really wont. I know that this changing must be done into action long time ago and I hope it is not too late to work things out. I believe that I'll still find happiness in a better way. Or should I say, I shall find a way to be happy in a less crazy way as soon as possible. I hope I will. But just for now.. All I can do is to let things pass for it is only time can heal.